like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
