I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
