I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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