So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
