can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
