you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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