A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
