watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
