3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
