I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
