i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
