I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Still dying that you shit outside
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
