Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
