I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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