Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
