i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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