i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
