walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
