i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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