o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
