i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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