i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
