you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
