What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
