I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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