I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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