You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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