remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
