There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
