Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
