Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
