Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
