Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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