it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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