Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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