shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
