just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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