He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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