You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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