I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
