There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
