i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
