apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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