Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My ass is underappreciated
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
