its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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