Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
