Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Alive.
So much puke
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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