I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
