the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
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