If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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