sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
