my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
