So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
