i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
