I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
