On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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