she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
