when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
