I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
