She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
