I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
