Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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