at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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